I have been gone from this blog for a long time. Too long.
I always thought I had bipolar disorder. I had been bullied a lot as a child in school. I didn’t want to play with other children I just wanted to sit and write stories. I went to the doctor when I was 11 and started my bipolar diagnosis and antidepressants. They didn’t work right. They worked a little so I kept taking them for the next 19 years.
Then one day six months ago I listened to a podcast about aspergers because I thought my six year old had it. She did not. However I realized that I didn’t have bipolar but had misdiagnosed aspergers. The reasons the doctors missed it was because I did not have a family history of it. It turns out my dad had been recently diagnosed with autism. All the clues were there and now I know the truth and am dealing with it. My life is so much better now. I learned some things so far in my journey.
1.) I need alone time sometimes. Along with being a mom comes a lot of noise. I tried to listen to podcasts all day long learning new infomation along with my girls’ cartoons. All of this noise was not good for me and caused sensory overload. Now I try to keep the house quiet when I get stressed out during the day and it works out pretty well.
2.) I need my hobbies. My writing keeps me in control of my life. It gives me something to occupy my mind with and keeps me going. I love learning new information and learning about it. Most of it is business classes, and writing podcasts. I love having my special interests.
Even my girls have their own special interests. My three year old loves learning to read using Reading Eggs. My six year old is the creative one by journaling and drawing all day. She also loves Reading Eggs.
I also need to learn when to stop doing my special interests and start doing more important things like cleaning and cooking. Some times it is a challenge but finding out I have Aspergers really helped me understand why. Now I can take these special interests and form them to what I need to do. I love meal planning and researching and cooking new meals. I also love creating new projects for my girls.
3.) I can not be in control of everything. I used to never let anyone help me with anything. My husband helping in the kitchen would make me upset. I thought that he thought I wasn’t good enough cooking or something. Now I let him and my girls both help me and it makes for some great family time.
I know that Aspergers will always affect me but I can be in control of my Aspergers and my life I just need to learn when I am being overloaded and take some quiet time. Not all autism is created equal but knowing that I have it has really helped me improve my life and my girls’ lives. I now know why I was getting stressed out all the time and I can take that into the future with me.